I mostly work with people from the Asian community whose mental health and behaviors have been shaped by the generational and cultural influences of our parents and grandparents. As we seek mental health support in Ontario, it’s important to recognize the struggles our immigrant parents went through and appreciate the sacrifices they have made for us. But to truly heal and become emotionally stronger as adults, we also need to take a moment to understand and acknowledge how our childhood experiences have affected our mental health and impacted us today. We can hold space for two opposite truths without guilt and blame.
Mental health within Asian culture is a complicated issue, shaped by family dynamics, unique personal experiences, and generational trauma that can stick with us well into adulthood. In my practice, I often see these common factors in my clients, and together we explore how they impact our community’s mental health.
Family Expectations & Respect for Elders
In many Asian cultures, there’s a huge emphasis on showing respect to parents, elders, and ancestors. This can create a sense of obligation to meet parents’ hopes and dreams, sometimes at the cost of your own wants and needs—cost of not having your own voice. It often leads to constantly trying to please others and struggling to set personal boundaries. This can lead to self-doubt and lack of purpose and meaning in your own life.
Pressure to Succeed
Success—especially academically and career-wise—is something that’s really emphasized. The bar is often set high, which can create intense pressure and leave you feeling anxious, stressed, and with low self-worth. This pressure doesn’t just disappear when we grow up—it often follows us into adulthood. The feelings of “never good enough” lingers on and shows up as anxiety which pushes you to constantly strive to “be better, do better” – but when does it ever end?
Parenting Styles
Many Asian parents have high and unrealistic expectations and enforce discipline, hoping to build resilience and determination in their children. But this can also make you feel like you’re never good enough, leaving you with feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It is also common for parents to use shame-based criticism in the guise of showing care and concern, which can lead to feelings of shame and feeling unworthy.
Lack of Communication
Asian families often don’t talk openly about feelings, emotions, or boundaries. Our culture values and prioritizes keeping feelings private and unspoken of and showing emotional restraint, which can leave people feeling there is something wrong with them and their emotions. If people believe their emotions are a sign of weakness or something “bad,” they often hide their struggles and avoid seeking necessary support. This can make it hard to express your feelings or communicate your thoughts and needs in relationships as you get older.
Stigma Around Mental Health Support in Ontario
Many Asian communities have historically viewed mental health issues as taboo. “Saving face” and keeping family matters private is often encouraged. So, talking about feelings or asking for help can be seen as a weakness. This can lead to ignoring your own emotional needs and making it harder to reach out for support when you need it. Just like we take care of our physical health to feel our best, we also need to prioritize our mental health for our overall well-being. When we neglect our mental health, that is often when serious issues start to arise (i.e. heightened state of anxiety, low mood and depression).
Navigating Two Cultures
Growing up in a Western society while holding on to your heritage culture can bring a lot of stress. It is tough balancing both worlds, and this kind of internal conflict can take a toll on mental health, creating tension between generations as well.
Gender Roles & Expectations
There are often different expectations for sons and daughters within Asian families. If parents show preference for one gender, it can lead to feelings of unfairness and pressure, resulting in low self-esteem, anger, and resentment. Additionally, people whose sexual orientation does not align with traditional norms often face rejection and shame, as there’s a heavy focus on family reputation and societal expectations. This can create a sense of internal conflict and make it difficult to feel like you truly belong.
Generational Differences
Due to the generational gap, older generations tend to have values and beliefs that don’t always align with younger ones. For younger people, it’s more common to be open about struggles and seek help, while older generations might not be as comfortable doing so, leading to tension and misunderstandings.
Taking the First Step Toward Mental Health Support in Ontario
It is common to feel guilt and shame when facing the reality of how challenging our childhood upbringing has been because of these factors, especially if you haven’t had the chance or the space to process and understand how it has affected you. If this resonates with you and you want to explore ways to heal and better understand how it’s impacting you now, feel free to book a free 20-minute consultation. Let’s talk about how we can get you the mental health support in Ontario that you need and work through this together.
